Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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