No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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