if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
