Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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