I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize