i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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