I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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