ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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