Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
