Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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