she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
