So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The best revenge is premature balding
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
