Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize