I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
