Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
