Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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