quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
