Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
