entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
