I just made out with a guy for $7.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
