So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You made out with two different species that night
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
