and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
