i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
