you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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