Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
