New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I didn't notice because vodka
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
