i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
