awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Randomize
