he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
either way he was missing a nipple.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
