how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
