Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
