guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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