Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
