Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize