mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
grandma shit on top of the toilet
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
