Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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