I smell stomach acid.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize