You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
