At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
