she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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