she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
