Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
