R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Your dad touched me again.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it was like eating out sand paper
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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