Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
