come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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