I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
