is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
