So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
