I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
