Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize