you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Randomize
