dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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