yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
