Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
