hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
All the doctor said was why
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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