would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
