My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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