I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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