come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
