The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
