the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
