The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
