just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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