put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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