If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize