Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
