Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
